What Does it Matter Anymore?
by Kitten-the-Shadow-Writer
Summary: He wanted her to come running out of the house as if she had been knocked out in some secret room, he wanted her to come running out of the house crying and sobbing but saying she was alright and he wanted her to come running into his arms as she cried and sobbed, begging for him to make it better as he had done only one other time before.
1. Chapter 1

My writing is not the best, so be patient with me: It can only get worse. ^.^ I mean better. I definitely typed better. . It's an illusion.

* * *

"What's going on? Kaka-sensei?" The usually loud and boistorous voice of the blonde was dampened and worried, his large blue eyes looking around everywhere as he walked up to the apartment, closer to where at least a dozen ANBU operatives were hovering. He could feel his heart beat quicken as his instructor turned and looked at him, his one visible eye so grave it gave the boy the chills, even in his orange and black jumpsuit. He was normally aloof, "Kaka-sensei?"

The silver haired jounin turned back to the scene in front of them as Naruto finally stood beside him, there was no way possible he was going to be able to put it in soft terms to the twelve year old boy. He would deny it, every single letter in the sentence would be denied if he tried to be gentle, "Sakura left."

"I'm sure she just went shopping or something Kaka-sensei, she'll be back any time, she probably didn't realize how low on food she was until it was time to start cooking. You know how she can be. No need to call everyone we have on ANBU to come search her house."

There was a long moment of silence, "I wish that was the truth, but it's not." The spiky silver haired jounin looked up at the sky, "She abandoned the village, after slaughtering her family."

The blonde snorted, running a hand through his spiky blonde hair, "Come on Kaka-sensei! The _only_ thing wrong with _this_ picture is that you're _early_ for once. Quit being stupid, it's not funny."

The jounin rubbed the metal forehead protector strapped to his forehead as the wind blew up dust, "I'm not joking."

"Sakura can't even kill a bug! But you expect her to _slaughter_ someone? Sheesh, you been drinking again?"

That, that was annoying. He shot him such a steely glare it made the boy pale, that said boy felt his heart start to beat faster. He was going to panic if he didn't get the truth soon, his sensei normally wasn't _this_ bad at humor and if he didn't break out laughing soon he was going to throw up. "We will wait for Sasuke."

Kakashi stood perfectly still, waiting for the other member of their team to show up while Naruto fidgeted relentlessly, wringing his hands together in nervous anxiety all the while pacing back and forth and muttering to himself it was a lie while changing lie out with, genjutsu, night mare, joke and sabotage. Alternatively as he did so. The blue eyed boy with the whisker like marks on his cheeks was so nervous at one point during the fifteen minute wait he did run over to a bush and throw up.

"Dobe, what-"

"_**Finally!**_" the blonde screamed at the top of his lungs.

The spiky black haired male turned his eyes to their instructor, dull onyx eyes questioning him with merely a raised eyebrow. "Sakura has left the village, after slaughtering her parents."

"Hn."

"Now that we are all here, we shall see what disaster happened last night after training."

No one was going to believe him until they saw for themselves, that their delicate little girl wasn't so fragile; the worst part was he _knew_ it was his fault. She never fully tried to gain his attention, but it was so obvious she wanted to be trained like her teammates but they all shoved her aside, including him, so Naruto and Sasuke could get stronger, to complete their goals. She never had goals, not real goals and they both knew it. If he had guided her more, if he had watched her grow like he did the other two... would she still have done this? Her parents were skilled shinobi as well, they would have assumed that such a volatile girl was actually a shinobi in disguise, he knew because he had worked with them before. They would have fought with all of their might and she still managed to kill them in probably the most horrific blood bath since the Uchiha Massacre. Somehow, not even the war could compare to how he felt inside and it hurt.

He forced himself to step forward, knowing that a full minute and forty five seconds had passed since he said they would go inside. His body was reluctant to move, trying to allow his brain to deny what it so desperately wanted to deny. He wanted her to come running out of the house as if she had been knocked out in some secret room, he wanted her to come running out of the house crying and sobbing but saying she was alright and he wanted her to come running into his arms as she cried and sobbed, begging for him to make it better as he had done only one other time before. Something he had only done once because it was for a _mission_, something he should have done _every _single time he was there. His hands clenched tightly at his side as he stepped onto the front step, this was it, this was the last step.

"If you have weak stomachs, I suggest you try not to look around too much."

He hadn't even noticed that the ANBU had moved to clear the doorway, he hadn't even noticed that he had been heading towards the door until he reached. He saw the blood stains while it was still fresh, he saw the blood stains before they were stains. He saw the bloodied girl and froze up completely just hours before, she had laid a gentle hand on his chest and kissed his cheek and swore up and down that it wasn't him that had done it. That it wasn't any of them. But he knew how to read her, she was a female, she had lied. She had lied through her teeth without batting an eyelash and left... and he let her. He let her because they would have had her killed for first degree murder, for insanity and for betraying their village. He couldn't let her die.

"Kakashi," Sasuke's cold steely voice broke through his thoughts, "what's going on? Sakura isn't strong enough to kill anyone."

But he heard it in Sasuke's voice too, the small tinge of panic that he was trying to hide; that's why his voice was colder than usual. That's why instead of an aloof stance he chose to stand like he was ready to attack and he knew that the sharingan would be blazing fiercely behind him if he so chose to turn around, to turn around and track down the pink haired girl and beg for her forgiveness. But it was too late to apologize, he knew it, the damage was already done and there was no undoing this. Finally he released a breath he hadn't known he had been holding and reached to turn the handle but a pale hand stopped him. Sasuke again.

"Kakashi... we will find her and bring her home."

Naruto was strangly quiet as he stared at the door with such dread and anxiety, still praying that on the otherside of the door there would actually be a surprise party for them, that they had magically made it into ANBU without even trying or promoting from genin. He couldn't quite seem to find a way to make words and his mouth moved up and down before his head finally moved with it, though neither was looking at him, flaring red sharingan and black eyes matched each other evenly as they made a silent promise, beacuse they had already accepted what had happened on a minor degree, on such a minor degree it would never make a difference. But it still had happened. They blamed themselves and each other, that was their form of acceptance, for the moment. Until they no longer needed to accept it.

His wrist twisted, and he willed himself to push open the door. Three male shinobi stared in, two with eyes so wide you could happily set a coffee mug on them, one with tears welling up in his eyes even though he promised himself he'd never cry again. Was this going to be the end of their team? There was no way anyone was going to bounce back from this.

_"And lastly, the girl."_

_"I'm Haruno Sakura and the thing I like is- well... the person I like is..." her jade green eyes slid over to the Uchiha and she tried to keep from squeeing. "Umm... should I say my dream for the future..?" The girl suddenly sobered from her Uchiha dream and she looked around at everything but her new teammates, "I guess I don't really have a dream, now do I? I mean I do, but it's so insignificant it doesn't matter." She sat in thought before she decided to just move on, "The thing that I hate is... is... well I hate being weak I am tired of everyone looking down on my because my forehead is huge and I can't do anything about it but scream and cry." She shook her head, her long pink hair waving wildly, "My hobbies include reading and training by myself."_

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For obvious reasons the characters within Naruto (except a select few) belong to Kishimoto-san. None of my characters appear in this, however it is extremely AU and OoC and the plot is clearly not Kishimoto-san's plot. It is an all original Kitten plot!


	2. Chapter 2

_So there are a lot of possibilities to this story still... hence Sakura's ramblings. I haven't exactly thought of a KakaSaku story... but... I was reminded by a guest reviewer that the first chapter does sound like it leaves a lot of room for the KakaSaku view so I am thinking about running that way. Seriously, this was supposed to be some twisted ItaSaku fic but you know. Things happen in weird ways. Thank you guest! This chapter is a filler really, letting me explore my options with the romantic view._

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She ran, further and faster than she could ever remember running her entire life, she knew no one was following her unless they were ANBU but even then she doubted they would find her trail that easily. She was a trained shinobi, while yes her trail would be able to be picked up, she had even managed to fool Pakkun in training and the dog had the best tracking instincts in the entire shinobi world. But she had a limit, _a very small limit_, at how much more she could do and was forced to stopped. Her chest constricted and burning with pain at the lack of proper breathing as she collapsed onto the cool sand of one of the few lakes in the Nation of Fire. She had no idea what to do anymore, she hadn't meant to flip out, but she couldn't deny that it had been relieving, even if she had ended their lives.

_You performed jutsu you knew only in theory, when we get to Ame we must practice those jutsu more and then start experimenting. You did insanely well. Even outnumbered and overpowered. You definitely caught them by surprise. Ame is still unaffiliated with Konoha, they might even allow you join them._

She released a breath and stretched out, "Somehow I doubt that..." She knew talking out loud often made her look insane but she didn't care anymore, perhaps she was. After all she had left everything behind, left them all behind. The one thing she was currently regretting, pressing that so gentle kiss to Kakashi's cheek, even though it was over the gentle fabric of his face mask, she had done it. Her bloodied hand resting on his chest as she reached up on her tip toes and did it. Now his shirt would smell like her blood and that was a scent that was hard to get rid of without bleach, and the poor jounin had been wearing black. His sensitive nose would pick it up easily if he didn't just toss the damn thing.

_He once told us that those that would disregard their comrades so easily are even worse than trash. He protected you without fail, jumping in front of kunai and enemy shinobi to protect you, telling you everything would be all right, he did that only so he wouldn't neglect you, but he never regarded you._

"He never saw me as kunoichi material, even when we first met. I was just a pinked haired girl, someone he didn't like. He never bothered to train me like he did the others. He disregarded me, he disregarded my needs. I didn't even want it, but I did need it."

She rolled onto her back her sea foam green eyes staring up into the star filled night, conveniently it was a new moon and she was able to see every star up in the heavens as tears slowly welled up in her eyes. She was the forgotten kunoichi, in a romance novel she would be shoved aside and would find romance in someone who all but worshipped her, there would be moral conflicts that tear them apart but her hero would come and whisk her away anyways. Creating the ultimate happy ending, creating the ability for them to have an ever after.

"I had a crush on Sasuke for a while and then I would blush every time Naruto looked at me because when Sasuke's faded, it focused on Naruto... but what now?"

_...what are you talking about? What does having a crush on stupid boys who are too young to understand emotions have anything to do with this _mess_ we're in?_

"I had a crush on both of the boys, but did I ever have a crush on Kakashi? I mean, I absolutely adored it when he would give me any form of attention. It made me feel good, it gave me the butterfly effect and I felt like I could become invincible, but was that because a Jounin saw something useful in me? Or was it because a sexy, mysterious, older man noticed me?"

_You are so going to get us killed. I actually value my life here!_

"You do not."

_Excuse me? I would have found us shelter by now, I would have not left a trace of my existence by laying in sand!_

"You are me, so you feel and think the same things I do. You are my sanity, and I am the empty shell that you are supposed to fill. Right now we are two separate beings, but one day we will reunite, probably when I'm dying."

_... you are so not fun when you're depressed._

Sakura rolled onto her side and sighed, her eyes watching the gentle movements of the water trying to find peace within herself to cling to and sleep. She needed her rest, she needed her strength to move on tomorrow, she had to make it to Ame before they found her and her body needed to heal enough to not break open her wounds before she moved on.

_You don't have that luxury, you must keep traveling._

She nodded. For once that annoying voice in her head was ready (_hey I am always right!)_ and she really didn't have that luxury. She had the head start, she had time on her side, but time tended to be one huge prick when it came to things. Like Kakashi walking in right when her father's body dropped to the floor. She clenched her hands and the tears that had welled up finally fell over and trailed down her porcelain stained skin. Why hadn't Kakashi saved her? He could have saved her! She wouldn't be in this position right now if he had just saved her!

_If you had told Konoha what was happening to you every time you went home they would have pardoned the murders and you know it._

Her sobs lasted well into the late hours of the night before she finally passed out of exhaustion.

* * *

He paced back and forth in his living room (probably the most action the room had ever seen) as he waited for the messenger to summon him. To gain the Hokage's permission before he vanished for an unknown amount of time to track down the pink haired kunoichi that was his teammate. The broken, weak kunoichi who had no dreams, no goals and no future because of her family, because of her childhood; and because he didn't put any time into helping her become stronger, even though she wanted to learn and be just as good as her two teammates, she wanted to surpass them and prove to her parents that she wasn't useless. He was relieved that those two vermin were exterminated, but it should have been him that had killed them, it shouldn't have been her.

Because he knew, he knew and he didn't say anything. He knew that the skilled shinobi were beating her and raping her and everything else in the book from a to z and he did nothing but hold her as she cried into his chest, sobbing for dear life as she tried to beg him not to make her go home again, not to ever make her go home again. They had been leaving from their second escort mission and he had gone to check up on her, walking in on her changing and crying; seeing the bruises all over her body, bruises that couldn't be there because they hadn't had a mission in two weeks and she had never been involved in their sparing, bruises that couldn't be there because they encountered absolutely no enemy shinobi on their mission.

She had screamed when he announced himself, and he threw all decency out the window as he closed the door and pulled the girl to him, coaxing her to tell him everything that had been happening to her while he repositioned them so he was sitting on the hotel bed and she in his lap as he cuddled her, and secured her. She had, in a round about way, gone to him for help and he didn't do anything. It was his fault she was gone, it was his fault she had a mental snap and slaughtered her parents and fled. Ran away. He had told the Hokage everything when he had gone into her office earlier too, he had told Sasuke and... he hadn't told Naruto. It was a unanimous agreement not to tell him.

Two days had passed since he had walked in on the body of Sakura's father, and he had gotten hardly any sleep due to his anxiety. It was his fault. In another universe Sasuke left, in a different one Naruto left and in the perfect universe they all stayed together as one happy family. But this was not the ideal universe, this was their universe. The universe that Sakura was abused by her parents, the universe where every one neglected her, pretended to not see the pain she was in because looking back at his memories, there were a lot of times where he had to wonder, how the hell didn't he notice?

One of his first lessons was look underneath the underneath but yet he didn't even look at the surface of Haruno Sakura, much less the underneath or the underneath the underneath, so yes, it was very much his fault. It was his fault and the amount of guilt he felt was unbearable. He had cried, he, stone cold Hatake Kakashi had cried, so much in the past few days. He felt that he had every right to, after all, when was the last time he allowed himself to shed tears? To feel human? The more pertinent question was, when did he let her in? He never let anyone in, ever. Not since his team...

He flew to the door before the knock could even sound, his mind registering it was only Sasuke but he couldn't help but feel hopeful. Sasuke looked up at him, his onyx eyes darker than he thought possible as he pushed his way into the jounin's apartment, nevermind he had never been in it or welcomed in before. Never mind that he technically wasn't supposed to know where the jounin lived, "The hokage says yes." He closed the door, his eyes boring into Sasuke's back as the spiky, black haired male slid off his sandals and stepped out of the entryway, "However we cannot leave for two more days and I am ordered to stay here."

He handed the jounin the scroll and he read it quickly, his heart beating madly in his chest, "But by two days the trail will go cold. It won't be hard to pick up, but if she crossed any water all essence will have disappeared, it won't be-"

"If we go against her will she will never let us back in the village, Kakashi. I don't want to chance this, we want to bring her back home, not join her out there where shinobi will come hunting for us."

He sighed and nodded, "Of course she would. She didn't say why you were staying here...?"

He already knew the answer but hearing it from Sasuke's mouth confirmed it, "To make sure neither of us takes the leap of faith to test her patience."

That was the exact quote, he was sure. Sasuke didn't talk like that. "At least this is easier with Naruto off training with Jiraya."

"Aa."

"You will have to sleep on the couch, I don't have a spare room. My tiny apartment is... tiny." He tried to force his laugh and make it sound like it always did when he was late, but the sheepish sound failed to come out properly and he frowned beneath his mask. "I do have spare pillows and blankets."

The Uchiha nodded and set his bag down in the entryway, moving into the house that belonged to his instructor, just as he had imagined, it was impersonal. Shinobi books lined the walls of the small living room and there were a few wilting plants loitering around but other than that, it was bare.

* * *

Onyx eyes glared at the ceiling, mentally willing it to burst into flames by imagining the hands signs in his head for a small fireball jutsu. It was his first night staying with Kakashi, and the man was just as anxious as he was, eager to get out of the village to hunt down their lost (for she was not a run away) team member. He should have seen it, he should have called it. He was always jumping in front of her to protect her, always eager to keep her safe. It seemed he and Kakashi both had mentally made it their job without realizing because god forbid if Naruto so much as looked at Sakura in the heat of battle except for protection. He was always watching her practice by herself, trying new techniques without ever seeing how they visually work, reading from manuscripts and scrolls where some of the details were wrong. Where some of the hand signs were intentionally changed and she tried to figure out the right combination. He watched as she set up her own training regimen, having to ask other teams to help her.

He had never truly paid attention to all that at the time though, he would look over to make sure she was alright while he sparred with Naruto and Kakashi watched or the three of them went at it with intentions to kill. But when he had his sharingan activated, there was no forgetting, he remembered every detail. Focussing really focussing, he could remember bruises on her arms, he remembered a bruise on her neck once and he had sworn it must have been the lighting at the time. But no, he could have helped, he could have done... done... he didn't know what but _something_. He released a breath.

Always pushing her away, always. Once a week, they would go over to Sakura's house and she would cook them food, they would have a hearty team dinner once a week, but never would her parents be home. She had never talked about her parents, and he remembered vaugly one conversation when they first met that had occurred between her and Naruto. She had been standing on the water, trying out her chakra control (it had, ironically, happened the day they got assigned their first real mission where they were taught about chakra control).

"_Ne, Sakura-chan, why don't you ever talk about yours parents? Are you an orphan too?"_

_He remembered looking up because he was genuinely curious, if she was an orphan that would have made all three of them. All three of them parentless, he had noticed that her smile seemed strained when she turned around. "No, I am not an orphan Naruto. But sometimes..." she trailed off and he had made the connection, she wished she was. It was silent for a minute._

"_But you __**never**__ talk about them!"_

_The minute was ruined, "Sometimes, Naruto, I have to acknowledge the fact that it would be better off if I was an orphan, okay? You two don't have the option, you both dream of an unbroken family that loves you, but you never once imagine or think about the broken families that are better off in your position."_

_There was a long silence, "Where's Sakura?"_

"_Kaka-sensei!" Sakura seemingly beamed as she waved from the river beneath the bridge, her hand just barly reaching over the railing._

_The silver haired jounin looked over the railing and smiled beneath his mask, his eye signalling the smile as he watched the long haired kunoichi, "My, my Sakura! Where'd you learn that?"_

"_I read about it and thought I'd give it a go. I figured it couldn't be too hard since it was a standard shinobi skill used for traveling and such so I started practicing, haven't fallen in yet!"_

"_Good job!"_

He shook his head, the smile on her face when their sensei had praised her was one of pure bliss, like a toddler given a cooking just because. But she had mentioned her family was broken, she was always quiet and reserved and that showed why. Why couldn't have have pieced this information together before he found out she was being abused? It should have stuck out in his mind... but he hadn't noticed and there was nothing he could do now. He had been too focussed on being better than Naruto and on becoming stronger in order to beat his brother, so of course he wouldn't notice something as insignificant as someone wishing to be an orphan.

"Sasuke." He looked over at the jounin, "I know it's hard, but we're going to need every single gram of energy for the mission, try to sleep. We're going to move constantly until we make up for the four days we have missed, only stopping for necessary breaks. I'm ordering Pakkun to start tracking her tomorrow so we might not lose all trail of her."

"Right!"


End file.
